Rapier Wit

"To possess a rapier wit means to have the ability to respond quickly and effectively to others in an argument, debate, or conversation in either a humorous or insulting manner (although the last part can be dropped)." - The Palm Boy Dictionary

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During lunch break I sat with Danielle and the posse again. Chase, a friend of Danielle and member of the posse, always bemoans the fact that girls see him as a friend and brother. He sat across from me at the table, staring at me with The Glazed Look. I put down my lunch.

"Aren't you supposed to be doing your Sociology homework, Chase?"

"I am," he stated without taking his eyes off me.

"No you're not, you're staring at me."

"I'm trying to find the meaning of life in your eyes."

I frowned. "Not interested. Go away."

"I was just kidding," he laughed, "but there is some truth in every joke." In other words, you're desperate for a date and you think you'll get something out of complementing my pretty eyes. My inner feminist had awoken and the rest of the conversation followed suit.

"So what are we guys to you? Like food or play-toys?" Chase asked later on, pretending to be insulted.

"I don't play with my food," I shot back. The rest of the table was in an uproar of laughter. Chase's jaw dropped to the table and I put my hand over my mouth, aghast at what had issued forth from my lips.

You have to understand that this group of people sees (or saw) me as a very quiet, nice girl. My come-back had everyone laughing hysterically or dropping their jaws. They didn't see it coming.

"So do we have a use?" Chase asked after he recovered from the last statement.

"I don't know. Do you think they have a purpose, Danielle?" I glanced over at my friend. "Nah, I think you're just here for my entertainment, Chase. You're the floor-show that comes along with lunch."

"I feel so used." Chase feigned an injured sniff. "Well, I'm sorry I had to serve as your entertainment."

"That's okay, I needed a nap anyway." Once again, more laughter issued from the peanut gallery/posse and Chase's jaw became unhinged.

"Ouch! Touche!" Chase laughed. He started talking to me again, but Danielle's boyfriend was talking over my head so I couldn't hear. I put my hand up.

"Chase, I see your lips moving, but I don't hear anything." Yet again there was laughter and Chase stared with feigned insult. David, who "makes Democrats look like nuns," spoke from across the table to me. "David, I see your lips moving but I don't hear anything."

"What is it with you and guys? Can you just not hear us?" Chase laughed.

"Huh?"

Lunch break was over and it was time for the next class. Chase followed me to the stairs and said goodbye to me in some strange dialect of Male. I turned and answered with a curt wave of the hand and then walked up the stairs ignoring him.

"OW!" he exclaimed behind me. Some guys are apparently turned on by girls who are hard to get. My mom says it's their "hunter instinct" -- they like a good chase. I find it rather strange -- it's as though they want to be punished. Any guy who's tried to make moves on me can attest with claw marks that I am indeed hard to get -- almost impossible. Jer claims that I have an "impenetrable fortress" around me.

Even though everyone thought my unexpected come-backs funny, I do need to go apologize to Chase on Wednesday. My speech wasn't edifying and it would have been better if I'd kept my mouth shut. Now I've got another guy bothering me.