08 May 2006

How to Maintain Your Insanity

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars.
See if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Every time someone asks you to do something ask, "Want fries with that?"

Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "Inbox."

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine
addictions, switch to espresso.

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds."

Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

Don t use any punctuation

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

With a serious face, order a diet water whenever you go out to eat.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

Put mosquito netting around your work area and play jungle sounds all day.

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

When your money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives!
They're loose!"

Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we will have to let one of you go."

13 Comments:

At 08 May, 2006 13:27, Blogger The IBEX Scribe said...

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
My sister once rode through a drive-through on horseback and asked for it to go.

These are great. I'd love to do the one with the hair dryer. That would be funny.

 
At 08 May, 2006 13:28, Blogger Carey said...

I'm going to try it... especially since I have a white car. Need to get some "cop sunglasses."

 
At 08 May, 2006 13:47, Blogger Redeemed said...

HAHA, LOLLLLLLLL

Too funny. Carey, you realize we will have to do some of those when you visit this summer. :)

 
At 08 May, 2006 13:52, Blogger Carey said...

I just thought of something else...

Go to the opera and take along spit-wads. Shoot nearest people in the back of the head and whisper loudly, "Could you hand me another tranquilizer dart?" to the person sitting next to you.

 
At 08 May, 2006 14:03, Blogger Carey said...

I think we should, Sarah! (Do you think we could get your mom involved too?) LOL

 
At 08 May, 2006 15:04, Blogger Dyspraxic Fundamentalist said...

Very funny.

 
At 08 May, 2006 16:48, Blogger Julia said...

I love those. Im going to do them soon. Muah!~

 
At 08 May, 2006 18:07, Blogger Redeemed said...

Carey, my mom can I suprise you. She is very bold!

 
At 08 May, 2006 18:07, Blogger Redeemed said...

*oops, my mom can surprise you*

 
At 09 May, 2006 03:46, Blogger Chemical said...

These are brilliant. Thats my evening sorted then :-)

 
At 09 May, 2006 13:37, Blogger Palm boy said...

I like the last one.

'We're going to have to let you go...'

 
At 09 May, 2006 15:52, Blogger Ednella said...

Haha!! You forgot to order cheeseburgers without cheese!!

 
At 09 May, 2006 17:45, Blogger Carey said...

*laughs* Good one, Nella. I shall have to remember that.

*drives up to take-out window* "Uh, yeah... I'd like a diet water, please, and a cheeseburger - without the cheese - and, oh, make sure it's to-go."

 

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