How to Maintain Your Insanity

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars.
See if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't disguise your voice.

Every time someone asks you to do something ask, "Want fries with that?"

Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "Inbox."

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.  Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine
addictions, switch to espresso.

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling diamonds."

Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

Don t use any punctuation

As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

With a serious face, order a diet water whenever you go out to eat.

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

Put mosquito netting around your work area and play jungle sounds all day.

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

When your money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won!  I won!"

When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives!
They're loose!"

Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we will have to let one of you go."