Soy Condene o Bendije?

Today was the day of Dos Examenes -- Spanish and Governement. Government would be a breeze, but I dreaded Spanish. Que horror! I was already struggling in the class and the exam loomed before me like a noose. My prospects were grim as the professor passed out the sheets of dreaded paper. I had thoughts of suddenly becoming ill.

It isn't that I can't speak Spanish -- I could translate easily for you -- but I learned by immersion, not the typical dry classroom setting where you decline nouns and verbs. It's like a Hispanic person moving to the US, learning English by immersion, and then being thrown into a college-level grammar class. Not a lot of hope for good grades. I could survive just fine if you threw me into a Spanish-speaking country where no one speaks English, but I was drowning in a college class where everyone did speak English.

I stared blankly at the test before me. The first quarter of the exam was comprehension -- the professor read a magazine article out loud and asked true/false questions -- no problemo. The rest of the exam consisted of grammar beyond my comprehension. I just about cried. Failing was not an option. I sat in my seat praying and wondering what on earth I was going to do. Drop the course and go back to beginning Spanish? How was I going to cram that all in? I am killing myself to finish my Bachelor's degree by Spring of 2009, already with plans to do school full-time for the next two summers. How am I going to fit in an extra year of language courses?

But I knew what I had to do. I gathered my things and took the almost blank exam to my professor.

"I need to go back to beginning Spanish," I explained, feeling rather humiliated. "I don't understand, but I want to. I'll have to go back." She was very understanding. I walked out of the classroom feeling rather stupid. Now I have to drop that class and add in Beginning Spanish 1 next semester and finish the second half in the summer.

Not a big deal, really, except that I was struggling (yet again) with issues of surrender. I will have to give up my trip to China once more and stay home this summer to do 10-12 credit hours. It's been six years since I first wanted to go to China. Now I don't know when (or if) I'll get to go. I could, but then I wouldn't finish my degree by the Spring of '09. Summer of '08 I have to do 12 hours as well (but at least I get to do that as an international student in Ghana and the United Kingdom). Thankfully, Mom helped me figure out a way to plug in the Spanish courses with my degree plan, but the next couple of years will be very, very difficult.

Maybe someday I'll get to go to China. The Lord has asked me to surrender everything else in my life, so why not this too? I don't understand why, but His ways are higher than mine. I think the Lord knows that by making me wait longer for the desires of my heart, I will appreciate them so much more.