Normally Weird

My younger brother, Jeremy, is so normal he's weird.

My older brother David and I were both spectacled nerds during our highschool years. David was busy hacking into computers at school and I always had my nose in a book. Jeremy... well, he likes girls. *groan* Until the age of fourteen, Jer was an outdoorsy boy scout who didn't even know girls existed. Then those hormones kicked in... *sigh* He began asking me weird questions such as...

"Carey, what attracts you to guys?"

"Uhh... character... and I appreciate it when they smell good."

Since then, Jeremy has religiously doused himself in cologne, causing everyone to gag and grasp at their tightly closing throats.

"Carey, what kind of music do girls like?"

I stared at him. "Jeremy, it depends on the girl. Personally, I like all sorts of genres."

"Right... okay."

It's been a new crush every month. Last month it was a girl in the junior high/highschool group I work with. She freaked out and thought Jeremy was stalking her. He wasn't, but Jer doesn't know how to act around girls... now that I think of it, most guys don't. They behave strangely around females they like and can only emit a "Doy" or a "Gosh" (to my male readers: please don't take personal offense at any sarcastic references I make to your species... after all, it's not your fault you were born males... and no, I am not prejudiced). This month it's the church music director's youngest daughter. I am horrified. If Jeremy did something stupid, it would be humiliating for the whole family. Could we be excommunicated??

I think Jeremy pays as much or more attention to his appearance as I do (I'm a girl, so I have an excuse). He actually has a skincare regimen, which involves plastering a clay mask on his face at the slightest hint of a pimple, using cologne-scented body wash, and frequently asking me to style his blonde little head. I don't understand why he can't gel his hair by himself.

Oh, and then there's the cellphone issue. Apparently it is popular in today's teen culture to own a cool-looking cellphone. The rule in our family on cellphones is: you have a driver's license and a job to pay for your cellphone because Mama and Papa ain't payin' for it. I have lost track of how many times Jeremy has begged to borrow my cellphone (he never asks Mom becuase her cellphone is a dinosaur). David suggests I should put pink hearts and bears on my cellphone so Jeremy will never ask again. I may just do that.

Jeremy is also in the Age of Perpetual Embarrasment. Everything and everyone is embarrasing. I take advantage of this, and frequently threaten to burst into a Broadway number -- dancing and all -- in public. All I have to say is "I feel a song coming on" and disagreements are quickly solved.

Despite his oddities, I love Jer. He's a great kid, and the only guy I know who will watch chick-flicks with me and cry. He is strange, but sensitive.