17 February 2006

40 ways to annoy your roommate...

  1. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
  2. Twitch a lot.
  3. Talk while pretending to be asleep.
  4. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
  5. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
  6. Speak in tongues.
  7. Move your roommate's personal effects around. Start subtly. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
  8. Walk and talk backwards.
  9. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian Arias on a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your performance art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
  10. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.
  11. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
  12. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of weeks."
  13. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
  14. Eat glass.
  15. Smoke ballpoint pens.
  16. Smile. All the time.
  17. Burn all your waste paper while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
  18. Hide a bunch of potato chips and cookies in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.
  19. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.
  20. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.
  21. Dye all your underwear lime green.
  22. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
  23. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage due).
  24. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
  25. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.
  26. Arrange thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Set one aside from the rest. Laugh hysterically at the one toothbrush. When your roommate asks about it, refuse to discuss the situation.
  27. Paint your half of the room black.
  28. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.
  29. Put horseradish in your shoes.
  30. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
  31. Always flush the toilet three times.
  32. Listen to radio static.
  33. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
  34. Cry a lot.
  35. Send secret admirer notes on your roommate's e-mail.
  36. Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on your bed. Do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out. Use this method to fall asleep every night for a month.
  37. If your roommate goes away for a weekend, change the locks.
  38. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe into the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.
  39. Collect all of your pencil shavings and sprinkle them on the floor.
  40. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like you're holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two weeks, say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame your roommate.
More to come...

4 Comments:

At 17 February, 2006 16:25, Blogger TheEarthCanBeMoved said...

excellent!
I can't do all thos things.
But I'll be able to pull off a few.

 
At 17 February, 2006 16:36, Blogger Carey said...

Haha. There's more... 500 ways to annoy your roommate. Some of them were off-colour, so I didn't put the link in the post. I'll just include some of the cleaner ones every so often.

 
At 18 February, 2006 04:16, Blogger Dyspraxic Fundamentalist said...

Very funny.

I never shared a room at university so I never got to do anythign like that.

God Bless

Matthew

 
At 18 February, 2006 08:43, Blogger Carey said...

I have my own room as well, since I live with my parents. These are just so funny to read and imagine myself doing.

 

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