23 August 2006

I knew it!!

Like I said in a previous post, I've been reading Joshua Harris' "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." There's some good stuff in that book. While Gracie naps in the afternoon, I get the chance to read a little, and this is what I ran across today...

"The world tells us that love is beyond our control. This thinking has found its way into our language. We describe the beginning of a passionate love relationship as 'falling in love.' Or people say, 'We're madly in love with each other.' You've more than likely heard people say these things -- perhaps you've even said them yourself.

Why do we feel compelled to compare love to a pit or a mental disorder? What do these statements reveal about our attitudes toward love? I think we make these somewhat overstated analogies because they remove personal responsibility. If a person falls into a pit, what can she do about it? If an animal contracts rabies and runs around foaming at the mouth and biting people, it can't really help its nasty behavior because it has gone mad.

Does it sound a little absurd to discuss love in such terms? I think so. Yet we tend to express our experience of love in these ways. We think of love as something beyond our control and thus excuse ourselves from having to behave responsibly. In extreme cases, people have blamed love for immorality, murder, rape, and many other sins. Okay, so maybe you and I haven't done those things. But perhaps you've lied to parents or friends because of a relationship. Maybe you pushed your partner too far physically. But if love is out of our control, we can't possibly be held responsible. Yes, we know we behaved rashly. Yes, we know we might have hurt others in the process, but we couldn't help it. We were in love." (pp. 63-63, "Looking up 'Love' in God's Dictionary")

When I read this, I thought to myself, Bingo! Someone else agrees with me! Love is not some mushy feeling, but a deliberate action. Mushy feelings are great, but they don't hold -- they're more like icing on a cake. (Coming from a former cake decorator: the icing does not hold the cake together.)

For example: why do you love a certain person?

Some of us might say, "Well, I happen to be related to this person... do I have any choice?" Yes and no. I love my family, but do we always get along? Absolutely not. There are times when I can't stand my family, but I love them just the same. More often than not, I have to make a conscious decision to show my love for them -- even when I don't feel like it.

Why do I love my friends? Is it because they're such wonderfully perfect people? While, yes, I think my friends are wonderful, I love them because Jesus loved them first. Jesus shows His love to my friends through me (when I am willing to be used).

So is love an accident or conscious decision? Most of the time, I think it is a conscious decision, but certainly never an accident. Sometimes God causes us to love people when we don't even understand why. I vouch for The Ping Moment. (A few of you might understand what I'm talking about, but the rest of you... I'm afraid I cannot describe it in words. You shall have to find out about The Ping for yourself someday.)

I once told a friend that I had "fallen" for someone, but after reading just a few chapters in "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," I realized how erroneous this term was. I did not "fall in love." If I could re-word that, I would say, "God decided to strike me for some odd reason, and ever since then I have had to make conscious (and unconscious) decisions to love that person." That is The Ping -- God strikes you and a light bulb suddenly appears above your head. You can't turn it off even if you want to. Lovely, eh?

19 Comments:

At 23 August, 2006 15:45, Blogger Palm boy said...

Can I ask the orign of the phrase 'ping moment?'

 
At 23 August, 2006 16:05, Blogger Carey said...

It's an inside joke... particularly between Julia and I. *laughs*

I think my pastor (Tommy Nelson) started that, but I'm trying to remember the sermon. 'Twas during his Song of Solomon series, I believe. Jules, do you remember?

 
At 23 August, 2006 19:15, Blogger ~*Joyzey*~ said...

Yep, I was going through a thing with a guy(great details, hu?) when I started reading that book. Found out how wrong I was in what I was doing.

And later on, when Mushy Feelings as you put it came up about another person, I did describe it as Me digging a Pit and having to make a conscious decision to stop digging. I was able(with Gods help) to pull myself out of it. You can ask my family, it was dark down there and I started to look like it too.

 
At 23 August, 2006 19:18, Blogger Redeemed said...

Great post, Carey, I would say you nail it!

 
At 23 August, 2006 19:55, Blogger мαdd said...

Good way to put it. I've sometimes wondered why I absolutely love someone with no apparent reason. Not necessarily a family member or even a male, even. 'The world may never know.'

 
At 23 August, 2006 22:43, Blogger Barbara said...

"Why do we feel compelled to compare love to a pit or a mental disorder?" I read this same part aloud to your dad and your brother and, pardon the expression, was ROTFL! Yes, it was Tommy during the Song of Solomon series. Message 2 or 3, I think. But it's not on the CD. He only mentioned it in the 9 AM service (I think?).

 
At 24 August, 2006 08:34, Blogger Barbara said...

AND Tommy isn't the only one who has referred to this "ping." Dennis Rainey interviewed Josh Harris on Family Life Today (radio program) and they referred to it as the Divine spark...cleary with its origin in God.

 
At 24 August, 2006 11:15, Blogger Carey said...

Divine Spark, eh? I like that term even better.

Joy, I sense another 85 min phone conversation!

Sarah, thanks.

Katy: yep, the world may never know... neither will I.

 
At 24 August, 2006 11:27, Blogger ~*Joyzey*~ said...

BTW, that was a short phone call for me. ;)
Well, more then with most guys, but a lot shorter then with most of my deep friends.

Dude, 9-12 midnight, just about every night I've been on the phone the past 2 weeks.
And I'm just fine with it!!

 
At 24 August, 2006 11:34, Blogger Barbara said...

And, BTW, there is a BIG difference between the Divine Spark and LUST. Be very, very clear about that - do NOT mistake one for the other! (And don't ask me how I know!)

 
At 24 August, 2006 11:42, Blogger Carey said...

THAT was short? Hmm...

I don't usually talk very long on the phone. (Like I've told Robert, I write more than I talk.) There's really only one person I can think of that I've had 2-4 hour conversations with on the phone.

 
At 24 August, 2006 11:45, Blogger Carey said...

Mom... lol... you're getting down the lingo! You've said "ROTFL" and "BTW"!

Yes, thanks for mentioning that. However, you know that wasn't the case with me - just Divine explosions... er, sparks (although I did feel at times a bomb had hit me). *chuckles*

 
At 24 August, 2006 11:49, Blogger ~*Joyzey*~ said...

yeah, after that last comment Carey, it does sound like we need to talk again.

 
At 24 August, 2006 12:20, Blogger Carey said...

Haha... uh oh...

 
At 24 August, 2006 12:21, Anonymous shieryl said...

Love is not some mushy feeling, but a deliberate action. Mushy feelings are great, but they don't hold -- they're more like icing on a cake.
Bingo!! Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!!! You've hit the nail on the head. :) The sad part is that a lot of girls only desire the icing part. They don't know that they're missing out on the actual cake because they're so hooked on the sugar high.

(Coming from a former cake decorator: the icing does not hold the cake together.)
LOL!

 
At 24 August, 2006 12:29, Blogger Carey said...

Sugar is bad for you.

 
At 24 August, 2006 15:59, Blogger Barbara said...

A spoonful of sugar isn't bad once in a while - but only when you're married! Remember Tommy's fireplace analogy? And I wasn't aiming the "lust" comment at you, Carey! (You knew that.) I was aiming at the wider audience. I can just see it now...everyone running around looking for sparks & light bulbs over people's heads or listening for pinging sounds. :)

 
At 24 August, 2006 17:35, Blogger Carey said...

*laughs* Sounds like acts of terrorism, Mom. Explosions, pining noises, sparks... hahaha.

 
At 24 August, 2006 17:35, Blogger Carey said...

*pinging

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home