29 April 2006

Conversation at Taco Bueno

"This will be fun!" Susan put her elbows on the table and leaned in to speak to me. "So, any potential little boyfriends in the group?"

"For you?" I asked, picking a loose piece of lettuce off the table.

"No," she laughed, looking at the guy sitting next to her. "Already got one. I meant for you."

"Oh... no."

"Aww, Carey."

"I see no point in dating right now. When I do, it will be to pursue a serious relationship. I don't want to just 'date around.'"

"Oh..." Susan stared at me with a blank look. "That's... a good idea. That's smart." She turned to the others and quickly changed the subject. I returned to quietly eating my fajita.

28 April 2006

Waxing Poetic

"That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
~ Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare

It is raining today. A fresh kiss from the clouds is greatly appreciated in this dry region of the United States. Heavy and moist, the air smells of wet earth. The clouds are so low, I feel I could reach out and touch one. Droplets cling to the rosebush outside my window -- perfectly round globes of water. Birds expound their sweet melodies to the heavens.

Weather like this makes me wax poetic.

27 April 2006

Movie Matters: Head Over Heels

Movie Matters: Head Over Heels

Love Like Flaming Steel

Since my pastor is currently going through the Song of Solomon on Sundays, I thought I'd do some research of my own. My particular favorite passage is chapter 8, verses 6 and 7. The language is terse, passionate, and very poetic...

Set me as a seal upon your heart,
As a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy as cruel as the grave;
Its flames are flames of fire,
A most vehement flame.
Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor can the floods drown it.
If a man would give for love
All the wealth of his house,
It would be utterly despised.

Re-translated: Establish me as a sign of strength upon your arm, for love is as fierce as Death itself, the ardour of anger as severe as hell; its fire-bolts are the sparks of supernatural fire -- a sword of flaming steel. Dangers cannot extinguish love, nor can rivers engulf it. If a man delivered up all of his inheritance and wealth for love, it would be counted as insignificant.

Wow! That is powerful word imagery. The word "love" used in this passage ('ahabah) is also used of God's love for His people. Even though this passage is the Bride speaking to Solomon, in such powerful language, just imagine how much more God's love is for us. This is difficult to fathom.

Summer Reading List

I have an enormous stack of books waiting to be read this summer. Hopefully, I can finish most of them. (The most effective way to finish a large number of books is to read two at a time.)
  1. The Case for Christ, Lee Strobel
  2. The Troubled Waters of Evolution, Henry M. Morris
  3. Darwin's Black Box, Michael J. Behe
  4. One Thing You Can't Do in Heaven, Mark Cahill
  5. The Heavenly Man, Brother Yun with Paul Hattaway
  6. 7 Men Who Rule the World From the Grave, Dave Reese
  7. Utopia, Sir Thomas More
  8. Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
  9. Beowulf, translated by Seamus Heaney*
  10. Burial at Thebes: A Version of Sophocles' Antigone, by Seamus Heaney*
  11. Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, translated by J.R.R. Tolkein*
*Do not own yet

26 April 2006

Excerpt From My Book

For the past few years, I have been developing a book... well, many, but this one I want to concentrate on. It is currently untitled, but my working title is "Beloved."

The story is told by Chaviva, the younger sister of Y'shua (Jesus), and covers twenty years of her life with her Brother.
A soft light fell from the oil lamp. The glow reflected in His watery eyes. Ever since I was a very young child, I would get lost in His deep brown eyes... so deep, they were almost black. I always had shivers when I looked into them. Perhaps that is why few people could look my Brother in the eyes for very long.

Y'shua looked down at the broken pottery scattered on the floor and the rent curtain still clutched in my hands. He knelt wordlessly and brushed the hair out of my flushed, tear-stained face. I could not look up. Taking the torn fabric out of my hands, He lifted me off the floor and led me to the wooden bench -- the one He had made for my wedding gift.

I felt the grief and anger slowly leave me as He cradled me in His arms. I could no longer cry, but I felt warm tears run down my face. They were His. No words passed from either of our lips, until Y'shua began to sing quietly. The song was low and sweet, striking a familiar chord with me. Then I remembered it was a song Papa used to sing to me when I was little, just before he died.

James 1:17

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.

(Make sure you look at the meanings of the roots words - very interesting!)

25 April 2006

South Africa

It was dark and rainy when I stepped off the airplane and saw Cape Town for the first time in the summer of 2004. I couldn't help but wonder what God had in store for me. It was a time of discovery... a defining time... a time of faith. I will never forget what God showed me those few weeks I spent in South Africa.

Our team's ministry consisted of three-day or two-day VBS clubs using Awana material. In all, we ministered to eight churches and over 700 children with the gospel. The children were so precious; they were such a blessing in my life.

The first time I saw those children I knew it was what God wanted me to do -- those beaming faces, their enthusiasm for learning God's word, their zeal for life -- this blessing is what I wanted to take part in for the rest of my life. The children we ministered to had very little. Many owned only what they had on their backs. Most did not have shoes, and you wondered when their last meal had been. The majority of the children we reached lived in shanties -- makeshift houses that barely sheltered their families. It broke my heart when I saw their living conditions.

It was the last day at our first church. We were about to leave, when one little girl ran up to me and gave me a big hug, saying, "I must give you a hug since I will never see you again." That just broke my heart. I tried not to choke as I said, "We will see each other in Heaven."

Another young girl at this meeting came to know the Lord. She was from a Muslim family and openly spoke to the other children about how excited she was to return to her family and share the good news that now gave her hope.

At our fourth church I met a little girl I wished I could have taken home with me. I seriously doubted that she would see adulthood. She was a very happy little girl of about four with the most beautiful smile that lit her entire face. I noticed her little belly was horribly distended and I guessed heart or liver problems were the cause (I'm no medical specialist, so my guess could be totally wrong). All I knew is that she had some serious health issues. She also appeared to have Downs Syndrome. This little girl followed me around, held my hand, wanted to sit in my lap, and loved being held in my arms. I wish I could have kept her there -- it was difficult to part.

One of our last churches was held in an old school building. It was a very poor area, surrounded by hovels. We played games outside that day, the children taking great delight in tumbling around in the grass. I noticed one little girl (no more than three) quietly watching the other children play. She noticed me looking at her -- I smiled. Her face lit up and she tottered over to me, resting her head on my hip. I scooped her up in my arms; she laid her head on my shoulder and sighed contentedly. That little girl was starved for attention and stuck with me for the rest of the day. The next day I looked everywhere for her, but she was no where to be found.

It was difficult to leave South Africa. There was so much more to be done. I had made so many friends... loved so many children. I was told of startling statistics: one in every seven children in Africa will not live to see next year. Which one of those children I held in my arms is no longer alive?

This mission trip was a very defining moment for my life. It was this moment that snatched me out of my rebellion towards God and confirmed my calling to the mission field. I couldn't picture myself doing anything else.

I flew back to the DFW airport with two of my team-mates, Tabby and Sasha. We were all quiet, lost in our own thoughts. I turned to Tabby.

"What are you thinking about?"


I turned to Sasha and asked the same question.

"Home," was the same reply.

"What are you thinking about, Carey?" Tabby asked.

"My next mission trip."

24 April 2006

Funny Commercial


I am seeing a growing trend among some blogging friends to post a list with character traits they want in a spouse. Maybe a list isn't a bad thing, but I personally don't have a list. I used to make lists like that when I was in early high school, but gave that up when I entered into my man-hating period of life. I am extremely picky -- I know exactly what I want -- so I see no need in making a list. I will know. One of my prayers is that God would make that blatantly obvious to me, because when it comes to things like that I am totally oblivious. I wouldn't even know a marriage proposal if it hit me in the head.

Eternal Destiny of the Present Moment

O My child, it is not appointed unto thee to know the future, nor be able to discern aforetime My exact plans. It is enough that we should walk together in love and trust. No doubts need mar thy peace, nor anxieties cloud thy brow. Rest in the knowledge that My ways are perfect and My grace is all-sufficient. Ye shall find My help is adequate, no matter what may befall.

Let none say to thee, 'Lo, this shall be, or this shall verily come to pass'. Live, rather, in the awareness of the eternal destiny of the present moment. To be unduly occupied with matters of the future is to thine own disadvantage. So much is waiting to be done NOW.

It is written: 'Occupy till I come'. Live according to this injunction. Thy life is in My hands. I can only use what is available to Me at the moment. Others need guidance and help with their present problems. Minister in the realm of the here and now, and thou shalt have much fruit in the day of reaping.

From "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J. Roberts


This time of the school year requires me to ask for letters of recommendation to renew my scholarship. It stuns me to see what people write, and even makes me cry. All I can say is "Wow... they can see Christ in me. I'm doing my job in reflecting Him." It is just truly amazing.

23 April 2006

Far Above Rubies: Wait For Me

Far Above Rubies: Wait For Me

22 April 2006

Feel the Force

Mom took me out this afternoon to practice driving my car. I've been driving for a few years now, but I feel like I'm starting from scratch with a stick shift. It was very frustrating at first. I wanted to cry and kick the car -- which would be a bad idea, since I'd break my foot and end up in the ER again.

An hour and a half and severe whiplash later, I began to get the hang of it. I was cheering after I could drive more than a foot without killing the engine.

"You really have to get a feel for the car," Mom said.

"Yes... feel the force." By then I was going crazy and quoting Star Wars -- sound effects and all -- OWHHHWSSHH... Luke, feel the force...

This is me... enough said.

A Pattern?

I recently looked at my DVD collection and saw a bit of a pattern with titles such as "Down With Love" and "Ten Things I Hate About You." Coincidence or sub-psychological adverseness to men?

21 April 2006


"How was your day at school?" Mom asked as I walked through the back door.

"Oh, super peachy!" I chirped.

"Anything happen?"

"I tripped and fell down the stairs," I stated.

"Oh, Honey! Are you okay??"

"Yeah, just a big bruise on my thigh. Nothing serious. I didn't fall that far," I answered, getting some Excedrin out of the kitchen cabinet.

"Do you have a headache, Sweetie? I thought you said your day was peachy."

"It was very peachy!"

I feel extra cheerful today! Yipee! *happy dance*

But let all those rejoice who put their trust in You;
Let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them;
Let those also who love Your name
Be joyful in You.
(Psalm 5:11)

Song of Solomon Series

I highly reccomend this sermon series. This is an important topic that no one should be ignorant of.
"Did God give us desires for love, sex, marriage & romance but forget to provide us with guidance? No! He gave us The Song of Solomon.

Married or single? This series is for everyone! Come hear the Biblical truth on love, sex, marriage and romance. It’s candid, honest and will change your love life forever!

Everyone wants a fulfilling romantic life. Did you know that God wants that for you as well? He even dedicated a whole book of the Bible to be His guide for relationships.

Marriage is important to God. So if you are single and looking for a mate or you are married and want your marriage to be all it can be, you will benefit from this unique and insightful book.

You'll laugh. you may even cry. But your love life will be changed forever by the Biblical truths of the Song of Solomon." (From the website of Denton Bible Church)

To order the series... http://www.dbcmedia.org/1-866-DBC-TAPES/product_info.php?products_id=39466

Girls Day Out

Yesterday was "Girls Day Out" with Julia. I brought my lap top and we parked in her room to watch "Never Been Kissed" (with Drew Barrymore). It wasn't a masterpiece, but it was cute; struck a chord with me because I could identify with the main character.

We then ran a couple of errands before heading to a little restaurant where a former classmate of mine works. He was our waiter for the evening and even paid for our appetizer (which was so nice).

"Maybe I should bring you more often, Jules," I laughed.

"I think he likes you," she pointed out after he had left.

"Me?" I looked around suspiciously. "Nah, not like that. He can't be attracted to me."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not the kind of girl that guys like that would be physically attracted to. Come on, Jules, look at me."

"Well you never know..." she went back to her soup.

"Why on earth would you think that he liked me... other than as a friend?"

"Oh there are these ways," she smiled.

"I must be oblivious, then."

"I need to give you lessons in identifying subtle flirtatious behavior."

"Uuuuhhh... okay..."

We finished our delicious dinner and proceeded to pay the bill. Julia noticed another waiter (whom she thought was cute) and contemplated giving him her phone number.

"I've never done anything like this before," she laughed nervously. "Maybe I shouldn't."

"It would be pretty funny."

Julia ended up giving my classmate her phone number and asking him to give it to the "cute waiter." She was so nervous she was shaking when we walked out the door. I couldn't stop laughing. Julia has a lot more nerve than I ever would.

20 April 2006

Analyze That

One of my spiritual gifts is that of discernment (or "analyzing everything to death"). I even analyze the lyrics of the songs I hear on the radio during my morning commute. One of my favorite radio stations is Mix 102.9 because it plays a variety of music. Listening to Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You" irritates me. The song itself is beautiful, but the lyrics are ridiculous when I think about it. Essentially, she is blaming her father for her relationship problems. So many people do this. I could do this too; my relationship with my dad has effected me in a very deep (and sometimes painful) way, but I will not be bitter over it - nor will I blame my environment for my problems. That is so irresponsible.

19 April 2006

The Day of the Lord

Driving home from work tonight, I witnessed the most spectacular display of lightning. Deep, ominous thunder shook the earth and streaks of lightning stretched their ethereal fingers across an ebony sky. I love to sit outside when a thunderstorm approaches -- in awe of God's marvelous creation. Perhaps it is because I am a pensive person and love to sit and think.

Tonight reminded me of a previous post from this month, and another verse was brought to my mind...

Be silent in the presence of the Lord God; for the day of the Lord is at hand. (Zephaniah 1:7)

Imagine what the skies will be like when the King returns!

But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. (2 Peter 3:10)

Be Much With Me

For My people, saith the Lord, set the watch in the nighttime; yea, rise and pray, and let not that hour come upon thee unaware.

For the time is short, yea the storm is gathering fast. Ye see clouds in the sky, and ye say rain is approaching.

Can ye not discern the events that are currently shaping up in the affairs of men, and be as keen to observe their import and know that disaster and holocaust are in the making?

But thou art prone to fall into the same snare as others -- to presume that prosperity and peace will continue, simply because ye wish so strongly that it might be so. Ye are not ignorant concerning the prophecies of My Word as some are, and yet ye allow the feelings and attitudes that are abroad in the land to invade your own personal life.

Be more with Me, and let My Spirit pervade thy spirit, and then thou shalt be more influenced by Me than by the world around you. But be prepared for the fact that ye will then be of a different mind and attitude than those around you, and be willing to accept the difference and be able to ignore misunderstanding.

For many will not accept a message of warning, because they have set their own personal ambitions against the will of God, and they are so intent upon their own pursuits that they refuse to tolerate the thought of possible interference of any kind.

But you, beloved, be much with Me, for there is a great and heavy burden on My heart. For God taketh no pleasure in the death of the wicked. My long-suffering and grace have continued because I deeply desire that all men should come to repentance. But the grapes of wickedness are full, and the vats of the wine-presses are already beginning to receive the juice, and ere long they shall be running full.

For the time of the Gentiles are drawing to a close, and I come. Yea, be thou ready, for I come quickly.

From "Come Away My Beloved" by Frances J. Roberts

17 April 2006

Of Glue and Oven-Mitts

It is much too hot for April. I hate to think what the summer will be like. Perhaps I shall take a very long vacation to Iceland...

I got a sunburn during my morning commute -- a twenty minute drive. This afternoon, after work, I discovered the rear-view mirror on the floor of the van. Apparently, the heat was so intense that the glue melted. The steering wheel was so hot I had to use a pair of gloves as oven mitts to drive.

If this heat pattern continues into the summer, I shall be in big trouble. People like me were not made for this sort of climate -- especially since I tan like a lobster.


Bad, Bad Carey

"Procrastination is a very, very bad thing. You should never put things off until the last minute."

How many times have I heard this from my mom or told this to myself? Countless times... more than anyone should have to tell me. This needs to stop. Pulling "all-nighters" is not going to happen any more. You've seen it written here. Someone please shoot me the next time I attempt this.

Last night I stayed up until 2:45 AM writing a paper (due today in class). It was a nightmare trying to finish. Four Excedrin. Countless ice cubes. Six cups of coffee. I never want to smell coffee again. Ick. Thankfully, I managed to get four hours of sleep, but I am going to be a wreck today. And it's all my fault. I must be suicidal to do this to myself, but I seem to learn things the hard way -- hitting brick walls several times before something dawns on me. I can be so slow sometimes and look back in wonder at how I could not see something. What a thick head I have!

What are other ways to wake up yourself besides drinking coffee? Ah! Cold shower.

16 April 2006


Some of you know that the Lord blessed me with the opportunity to serve in Mexcio last year on a short-term mission trip. Lord willing, I will be going back this summer, and this time Jeremy is coming with me! Please pray that the Lord would prepare our hearts and the hearts of the people we will minister to. This is always an exciting experience for me and I pray this trip will ignite Jer's passion for missions. It is the most incredible blessing of a Christian's life -- especially when you can talk about the same God in another language -- a totally amazing experience!

I will try to find the summary letter I wrote about last year's trip so you can read about what the Lord did with our team.

15 April 2006

What Have I E'er Done?

A few days ago, Jer and I looked through all of my old journals -- a large stack of my writing since the age of 13. We were looking mainly for all the poetry I've written -- 69 in the journals alone. If it hadn't been for a few computer crashes, I would have around 100 poems. We also had fun giggling over what I wrote: dramatic crushes (I was such a romantic), funny entries, and lists of all sorts. A list I found interesting was one I wrote at the age of thirteen with all the requirements I wanted in a future husband. Amazingly, it has hardly changed (not that I currently keep a "shopping list," but I know what I want).

Something else I ran across was a composition Jer wrote in sixth grade (he is now in ninth). He was supposed to write a paragraph about someone he admired, I think. Every time I read it, I get all misty-eyed.

This inspired me to write "What Have I E'er Done?"

How did I e'er win
Your admiration and love?
What have I e'er done
To earn your high esteem?

Why did you notice me
When nothing I have done
Is worthy of your love?
I cannot comprehend.

Or is it unmerited?
This adoration sublime
Cannot be earned by deeds
Or merited by works.

This still holds true for me today. I still cannot understand why people are attracted to me. All I can say is it must be Christ. Without Him, I'd be just a bitter and empty shell of a person. Praise the Lord! He has died on my behalf and made me a whole person.

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)

Baby Blues

It was a big jump to go from a university library to a baby shower, but I did it. Got to see Maggie and baby Caroline. She was so tiny! I don't know what to do with newborns. They almost scare me -- so tiny and fragile -- I'm even afraid to breathe around them. The last time I was around a newborn was when Hannah's little sister Miriam was born (which was eight years ago).

I didn't stay for the whole shower becuase I had to run some errands before heading home to continue writing my paper. That was okay with me. I love Maggie and her family, but being a single college girl, I felt so awkward around all those mommies with young kids. I felt like I was on a different planet.

Jer came with Mom and Bram to the shower (they came in her car) and then left with me. I took him out to lunch and then we went. He desparately needed new clothes. We got him two outfits -- one casual and one for church tommorrow. I'll take some pictures of us in our new outfits (I got one too) tommorrow before church.

While I waited for Jer to try on clothes (which took forever), I stood outside with a pile of clothing in my arms. A little girl sat in a shopping cart nearby.

"Hi, what's your name?" she chirped.

"Carey... what's yours?"


"Nice to meet you, Samantha. How old are you?"

"Three... again!"

"Again?" I laughed.

"Do you have kids?" she asked innocently.

"No, not yet."

"Okay." She proceeded to show me her new pink swimsuit. I got a kick out of how outgoing she was. According to my mom, that's how I was at that age. Still holds true. I strike up conversations with strangers quite easily. If only this paper would come so easily...


This is becoming increasingly difficult. I am taking a bio-ethics slant of Frankenstein and finding my subject matter difficult to find in the literary criticisms I am looking at. Maybe I just need to do more looking, but I am running out of time. Procrastination does not pay off. What's more difficult is that we cannot use the internet for this paper. I did not realize how challenging that would be.

Just to get a feel for bio-ethics, though, I did a Google search and discovered The Center for Bio-Ethical Reform. It lobbies mainly for pro-life... and WOW. They don't try to make abortion look pretty (which it isn't). The graphic photography made my stomach churn, but it shows abortion for what it really is -- EVIL. There is no way you can see the greusome pictures of slaughtered babies and tell me abortion is just a choice. It is murder. It is sickening. And all of this is due to people who cannot take some responsibility for their sexuality.

Now I am all upset. Must get back to writing paper.


I am at the TWU library today with the intentions of a long stint of quiet study time. Around 10:30 AM, the fire alarms went off and everyone had to evacuate the building. I only had time to grab my wallet and run down the stairs and out the front door -- leaving my laptop, cellphone, and books behind. No one knew whether it was a test or a real emergency, so we stood anxiously outside. Turns out, it wasn't a fire drill, but nothing happened. No one knows what made the alarms go off.

Obviously, I am back with my lap top and all is well, but I think I am partially deaf now. Those alarms were loud.

14 April 2006

Though None Will Lead

When Jason was home for Spring Break, we got the chance to practice swing dancing for a little while; he tried to show Jeremy different moves (using me as a prop). I have a hard time dancing with experienced male partners. Usually, I take the lead because (a) I am dancing with another woman and have to take the man's part - there is always a lack of males at dance functions - or (b) the guy has no clue what he's doing, so I lead. Being the pensive person that I am, I had to spiritualize this...

What happens when men do not take their God-given task of leadership? What happens when there is a lack of strong (yet gentle) male leadership in a woman's life?

I can speak, with much experience, from the woman's point of view. My dad was mostly absent the first fifteen years of my life, working minimum-wage jobs so the family could survive. He often worked 16-hour days, 6 days a week; when he was home, he slept. After Dad was laid off and came home on Social Security Disability - he has CMT/Muscular Dystrophy - he didn't know how to establish a relationship with his teenage daughter. To make a long story short, my dad has a hard time with relationships and communicating with people.

Growing, Mom was my anchor. She ruled the home. She was the one I established a close relationship with. Dad and I didn't know what to do with each other. Still not quite sure, but we work things out as best we can. The first couple of years Dad was home and no longer working were really hard. He didn't have a personal relationship with Jesus until a year ago, so things were very difficult to work out. (As everyone knows, when you are in close quarters with people, you get to know them - bad and all - really well.)

Because my dad wasn't saved he did not know how to be a strong, godly leader. Inherently, I was bitter about this. Why? I was used to a household where women were the leaders. Why did I care if my dad took charge or not? I inherently knew this was his job. All women know this and expect it to a certain degree. Many times (as in my case) the leadership was not there, and required the woman to take charge.

This, I believe, is the underlying premise of the Feminist movement -- causing many women to become "tougher" and more independent (not necessarily a bad thing) for the lack of a man to depend on. Out of sheer emotional survival, women put up a facade of confidence and strength. We can be - and are - but beneath the confident, strong, and aggressive exterior, we women are still essentially women - strong yet fragile at the same time.

The strength acquired from lack of godly male leadership can actually be a good thing. I have friends who grew up with a strong father-figure and knew no need in this area of their emotional lives. I envied them sometimes, but what I lacked only drove me closer to God in my formative teen years. They may have ideal relationships with their earthly fathers, but I have learned to cling to my heavenly Father.

My dad said once, "I am not your Father... only your dad." This is probably one of the most poignant statements he has ever made, and this is true. My Father resides in heaven. My Father is the King of Kings.

To return to my earlier question... What happens when men do not take their God-given task of leadership? Women must take it up. I hope and pray that every Christian man realizes his duty and takes it seriously. Leadership is a privilege that many abuse. Christ was a servant first. He was (and is) a wounded Leader.

"He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we esteemed Him not. Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered Him stricken by God, smitten by Him, and afflicted. But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 53:3-5)

13 April 2006

Savin' Me

One of my many hobbies is randomly browsing through music videos on Yahoo! Music. I found this particular music video/song that struck me as interesting:

"Savin' Me" performed by Nickelback

This could be an interesting discussion topic... the brevity of life, death without hope, etc.

That Warm, Fuzzy Feeling...

My friend Maggie had her baby! A beautiful girl... Caroline Claire. Mom and I will get to see her on Saturday at Maggie's baby shower. What a little cutie! Now I feel all warm and fuzzy and... weird. New babies make me feel that way. Something must be wrong with me. Must be those maternal feelings kicking in. Oh dear.

12 April 2006

Meet Beep Beep

Sounds like the title of a children's book...

I finally took some pictures of my car. Here they are. (No rhyming intended.) Can you already see some hints of me in the car's interior?

Be Still

"But the LORD [is] in his holy temple: let all the earth keep silence before him." (Habakkuk 2:20)

still, and know that I [am] God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." (Psalm 46:10)

We take God's holiness for granted all the time. In today's society, God is either "the man upstairs" or a buddy. We paint warm, fuzzy pictures of a smiling Jesus, but how often do we see Him as the righteous Judge or the Kings of Kings riding on His white horse? We try to put God in a box so we can understand Him -- or think we understand Him. Humans always want to think they have a grasp on everything -- from science to eternity. Do we fully understand how we got here? Do we know the secrets of the universe? Do we know that there is something beyond our realm of comprehension? We'd like to think so.

Hbk. 2:20 literally translates: "The Lord is in His sacred palace: let the whole earth hold [its] peace (or hush) before Him." Wow. This blows my mind when I think about it. God is on His throne -- be silent.

The stillness of Ps 46:10 is different. It literally means "to sink, relax, sink down, let drop, be disheartened; drop, relax, abate, withdraw; abandon, forsake, refrain, let alone; be quiet." [In Californian, that would translate as "Dude, chill out."]

The word "know" in this verse is also used in Genesis 4:1 - "And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD." The Lord is saying, "know in the most intimate sense, that I am your God... Have knowledge of Me; seek Me out."

Twice, God states "I will be exalted." Not "Will you please exalt me?" but "I WILL be exalted." He will be magnified and lifted up, regardless of what we do.


recommended: a post from fellow blogger Madd - "a balance."

11 April 2006

Sugar & Spice and Everything Nice

Mom and I got off work around 11:30 AM and planned to run a few errands. We only went three places, I think, but Mom and I did not get home until 6:00 PM. It was my fault.

I wanted to go clothes shopping because my wardrobe continues to shrink with my waistline. Yippee! When you are losing a large amount of weight, you don't want to buy many clothes because they will be too big within a few months. This isn't a bad thing at all, but it is frustrating to have only two outfits.

Mom served as my consultant and made suggestions. I bought two outfits for church and a pair of very delicate, feminine-looking shoes. Matthew will be proud of me -- I got a skirt. Now I have more skirts than pants. Scary. I'm turning into a girl! *shriek*

We found some really cute shoes for our adopted girls (Mom's adopted granddaughters and my adopted nieces). Cute and sparkly. It's fun to spoil your friends' children. Mom takes the opportunity, since I will most likely be a spinster. Jer will probably get married and have kids before I do. That would be funny.

Speaking of adopted nieces, we got a phone call this evening. My friend Maggie is currently in labor with baby girl #2! Please keep her in your prayers.

Well, that's enough rambling for one night. I must work on my "Women in Politics" speech for tomorrow and study for a Nutrition exam (also tomorrow).

10 April 2006

WARNING: Random Content

Today in History, my professor stated something that utterly shocked and irritated me. We are now into the 1840s, which will include Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucretia Mott, and Susan B. Anthony in any history book. I was looking forward to this topic, because I chose to study and write about feminism in the US from 1840 to today. I heard all the things I expected to hear until my professor stated that Stanton and Anthony were lesbian lovers for over 40 years. My jaw dropped. You have got to be kidding me. She went on to say that the women who stood strong for women's rights were mostly lesbian, blah, blah, blah (doesn't that sound intellectual?). What makes people automatically link feminism and lesbianism together? This is one of my many soap boxes. Many people (esp. Christians) think that feminists are heathen, man-hating [fill in the blank]s out to promote lesbian love. Not so. This is a topic for another post. I need to find that 15-page paper I wrote.

After classes were over, I ran a couple of errands -- one including Barnes and Noble. Ahh, bliss! Coffee, books, coffee... Seriously, I had to go find a study guide for Frankenstein -- it was a legitimate excuse to go into my favorite bookstore. I really did end up in the language section by accident. Purely accident (even though it just happens to be one of my favorite sections). Dictionaries, phrase books, CDs and tapes in more languages than I can learn in one lifetime. I looked for a Finnish dictionary, just for fun, but was unsuccessful. Instead, I found a beginner's French CD set to play during my commute. If I am going to Montreal this summer, I need to brush up on my French! C'est bon! That reminds me... I need to brush up on my Spanish too. No one in Mexico will understand me in French. *chuckle* (I'll be working mostly with children so I will have no problem with that, seeing as I possess the Spanish of a five-year-old. I can carry on fluent conversations about coloring, animals, food, and basic Bible stories.)

That also reminds me... I need to do some posts with pictures about my trips to the UK, South Africa, and Mexico. Maybe I need a world traveller blog.

09 April 2006

Letters From War

Another Mark Schultz song...

She runs to the mailbox
On that bright summers day
Found a letter from her son
In a war far away

He spoke of the weather
And good friends that he'd made
Said I'd been thinking 'bout dad
And the life that he had
Thats why I'm here today
And that the end he said
You are what I'm fighting for
It was the first of the letters from war

She started writing
Your good and your brave
What a father that you'll be someday
Bring him home
Bring him safe

She wrote everynight as she prayed

Late in December
A day she'll not forget
Oh her tears stained the paper
With every word that she read

It said I was up on a hill
I was out there alone
When the shots all rang out
And bombs were exploding
And thats when I saw him
He came back to me
And though he was captured
A man set me free
And that man was your son

He asked me to write to you
I told him i would oh I swore
It was the last of the letters from war

And she prayed he was living
Kept on believing and wrote every night just to say


Then two years later
Autumn leaves all around
A car pulled in the driveway
And she fell to the ground
And out stepped a captain
Where her boy used to stand

Said mom I'm following orders
From all of your letters
And I've come home again
He ran into hold her
And dropped all his bags on the floor
Holding all of her letters from war

Bring him home
Bring him home
Bring him home

To see the music video click here. (Windows Media)

He Will Carry Me

I call, You hear me
I've lost it all
And it's more then I can bear
I feel so empty

Your strong, I'm weary
I'm holding on
But I feel like giving in
But still You're with me

(Pre-chorus and Chorus)
And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Who's love will comfort me
And when my hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me

I know I'm broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
Your always with me

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Who's love will comfort me
And when my hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said You'd see me through the storm

And even though I'm walking
Through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Who's love will comfort me
And when my hope is gone
And I've been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will ever need
He will carry me
He will carry me
He will carry me

Lyrics written and performed by Mark Schultz

Puppy Love

On the way home from church, Mom and I stopped by the pet store to get food for Jeremy's lizard and snake. It just happened to be puppy adoption day and I met the cutest puppy - it was love at first sight. He is a Palmeranian-Chihuahua mix and the sweetest baby! When I held him, he snuggled under my chin and licked my neck.

If Mom hadn't been there to talk me out of it, I'd be a new mommy right now. *sigh* David and Jeremy, had they been there, would certainly have sided with me. Mom reminded me that my grandmother is allergic to dogs and would be offended if I got one. Good point, especially since she foot the bill for most of my new car. Not a good idea. I shall have to wait until I have a place of my own until I can have a dog.

08 April 2006

Lamentations 3:22-33

22 Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24 “ The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“ Therefore I hope in Him!”
25 The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
26 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man to bear
The yoke in his youth.
28 Let him sit alone and keep silent,
Because God has laid it on him;
29 Let him put his mouth in the dust—
There may yet be hope.
30 Let him give his cheek to the one who strikes him,
And be full of reproach.
31 For the Lord will not cast off forever.
32 Though He causes grief,
Yet He will show compassion
According to the multitude of His mercies.
33 For He does not afflict willingly,
Nor grieve the children of men.

Rescue Me... Again (part 1)

Some of you may recall when I locked myself out of my parents' mini-van about a month ago and had to sit around for hours to be rescued.


Well, apparently my life is not exciting enough without me being stranded somewhere every month or so.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"Hey, Mama," I juggled my cell phone in one hand and the steering wheel in the other. "Anything you need me to pick up on my way home from school?"

"Actually, yes. Could you get some sweet potatoes for dinner?"

"Sure." We hung up as I drove out of the parking lot and prepared to get on the highway. Without much warning, I noticed huge strips of a blown tire all over the entrance ramp. If I swerved to miss them, I would have hit another car -- POP -- CLANG -- SCRAPE. There was this horrible rattling-scraping noise. Oh great. I got off the highway as soon as I could and parked at a local gas station.

I got on my hands and knees to look under the van. Some rather large piece of metal had been knocked loose by a tire scrap and was scraping on the ground.

06 April 2006

It's a God Thing

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

God has been so amazingly gracious to me today, I can hardly believe this is all real. As you know, I was having a bit of a bummer day over Tuesday/Wednesday with the loss of a job opportunity and my computer crashing. My brother, David, sold me his laptop for a ridiculously cheap price. (I am currently using it.) The day I discovered I didn't get the janitor job, my friend Aimee asked if I'd be interested to be a nanny for her two adorable red-head girls. Then tonight -- get this -- the Lord blessed me with a car. A car of my own! This all happened within the space of 48 hours!

I feel so overwhelmingly blessed. Still in utter shock right now. This is all so much to soak in.

"I will praise You, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will tell of all Your marvelous works. I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High." (Psalm 9:1-2)

05 April 2006

Due Date

I have been told never to pray for two things: patience and trials. I must be a glutton for punishment. It's been four months since my last "trial" and I guess I was in for another trying period. This morning my computer died... and none of my files were backed up. I have lost everything -- my school papers, my poetry, my plays, my short stories -- but most importantly, my photography. All of my nature photography is gone. I can re-write papers and stories, but I will never be able to photograph the same sunset, the same tree, or the same water droplet. It's all gone.

Surprisingly, I have a peace about this. There are times in my life where God "pulls out the rug" and I have to start from scratch with everything -- relationships, a home, church. Life is so fragile. I take for granted the things and people I love. They could be taken away from me unexpectedly or drastically change at a moment's notice.

This has just confirmed in my mind even more how fleeting life really is. And I have also learned that I should back up my files. If only I could do that with people and go back to the ways things were when something gets messed up. Unfortunately, you can't erase that.

04 April 2006

Give Thanks

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, to the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever." (Psalm 30:11-13)
Today could have been labeled as a bad day for me, but the Comforter will not let it be so. I did not get the job I applied for because (1) I am a woman (2) because of #1, I cannot move 700 lb. folding walls, and (3) they could only use a couple of women on the janitorial staff. It was a little disappointing at first, but my Father knows what He is doing and I trust Him. Looks like I will be applying for a job as a waitress after all. That's okay. I have good people skills and am outgoing and friendly.

There were some other minor irritations on top of this today, which put me in a bit of a sour mood for a while. However, I feel a great peace about all of this, because God works all things together for good for those who love Him. Everything is okay, because my Beloved is holding my hand. It is such a comfort to me to know that an omniscient God, the Creator of the universe, loves me and I have an intimate relationship with Him. WOW.

03 April 2006

California Cool

Mama and I are planning (read "dreaming") a Spring break trip to California next year. We want to save up and take a road trip from San Fransico to Los Angeles. Mom wants to take me to her old high school and visit a bunch of places she's been to. Last night we painted toenails and giggled over Mom's stories of her blonde surfer boyfriend. It was fun. I hope we get to go next year. Maybe I'll meet a cute blonde surfer... haha. Dude... sweet.

02 April 2006

For No Good Reason

We brought the left-over food from Jer's Eagle project for the Awana kids tonight and called it a "for no good reason party." It was fun. After eating, I played volleyball with a bunch of my girls and Trevor (one of Jason's younger brothers). Once again, I was hit in the head - twice. I was hit last week too. I sense a conspiracy. *chuckle* If the kids keep this up, I'll be cross-eyed and drooling in a few months.

As usual, I served as monitor during the lesson. I can't believe how short their attention spans are (especially when they're sitting next to a member of the opposite gender). All I had to do was look at them and they were immediately behaved. We leaders are thinking of separating the boys and girls next year. They might actually learn something. I just can't understand, because I hated boys when I was their age (with an exception or two). It's a good thing every female isn't like me.

01 April 2006

Shadows of the Past

I see them passing by me,
Shadows of my past -
Relationships I thought would hold,
But they could not last.
They smile, cold and cordial,
These fragile wraiths of time,
Then pass out of sight,
Out of memory and mind.

What, these machinations?
Plans made long ago -
Never held the framework
I thought I was to know.
Why did I love these shadows -
No longer in my life -
Or think they were fore'er?
No more than a dream,
A wisp of smoke, blade of grass.

I laugh now, when I recall
Those fleeting thoughts I loved -
Held nothing in my heart...
So cold, so lost, so dead...
They return to meaningless existence,
While I seek my Life,
My Lord, my Love.

Carey Nofziger, 01 October 2005

The Promise

I was browsing through some movie trailers and found this. Looks like a good movie. I like kung-fu type movies with surreal martial arts.


Because I am a Girl...

Today was Jeremy's Eagle Scout project day. I stayed for most of it, but just returned home to put away the left-over food. Most of the time I felt completely useless, because all I did was fetch water and take pictures. They wouldn't let me do any of the 'manly stuff' because I might "mess up my clothes." Who cares? I can do pretty much anything those boys can. They just wouldn't let me do anything useful because I am a girl. Male chauvenists.

Sorry. Bad attitude. *slaps self*

Even though I didn't do much intensive labor, I am quite dirty and sweaty (go figure), so I think I shall go get a shower now. Not much else to write about for the moment.